Where has time gone now !! I am sad !!

Here it is November already. School has started, work, chores, and the Rainy season has begun with full vengance. I am dreading the winter, and will be glad when Christmas is over because then we will be almost to spring. Christmas just means work and worry for me.

I think that a long winters nap is fitting, but I would never get away with it. I will not get to be at rest for a long time. Too much is resting on my shoulders. I am so tired of having all the responsibility and all the decisions coming from me. Trying to make all the ends meet, and there are so many of them. I wish I had someone to talk to, who really knew what was in my mind. I do not think there is anyone on the earth who really gives a crap what I feel and think. Only what I can do and give to everyone. It has been along time since I really felt like smiling.

Oh well, cant change it, must just deal with it.
One day ......................................maybe........................ a reason to smile again............
I need to take a deep breath and look out the window........

Summer Breezer's

Summer.........A time we wait for and look forward too. School is done, kids are more relaxed.
There are times where there is almost too much time to think. A feeling of being separate and individual. I can march to my own drummer for a while.
Then in a blink.........it is over and back to the world, school , and requirements of society to be considered socially acceptable. Why oh why must we be forced to meet others expectations of us.

I am thinking to much, time is going too fast for me.

I am liking my drums right now !!

Windy

Windy days are cleansing, I stand outside and let it blow away my cares. I breathe in and I breathe out. And I try not to think about anything at all.......

Feel the sensations.............Cool .......Refreshing !

The awesome power of nature. If we stop and take the time to look and feel it. She can guide us to sensibility, and directions that we never thought of . We can relax and enjoy the view.

Life gets so busy that sometimes we forget.......

Solitude .......=.......Peace

I am thinking of tomorrow. It will be a Great Day !!! I think of the possibility and the ways I could begin. I could start a new project. I could bake something. I could just sit and be...................me.

Enjoying the quiet of no one being home. No one to boss me around, no one to nag me, no one to ask one more question.

I am thinking of how it will be in the future when everyone has left me..............Will I miss the constant drama and chaos?

Or..........Will I relish the freedom and quiet?

Only time will tell.......Time..........hmmmmm my next entry me thinks.

Another Day, Another Day

This is a day like no other, and exactly the same as the rest. The same problems, the same routines, the same stresses.........and yet.........

It is different, a day that has new challenges, ups and downs that come in different ways. To test my resolve, my resiliency, my sanity.

But, where is the fun, the peace, the new experiences...

I am kinda tired right now, I need to know something new is on the way. Not just a different new......but something wonderful and uplifting !! I am not sure what it would take to get me to look forward to the future. Cause right now, it just looks the same as the past.........and I don't see anything new on the horizon.

Another day, another day, and again, another day.

I am Faded Today

I am sitting here feeling a little Faded. I am tired, washed, and feeling used up. I wonder what is in it for me? Why do I do all the things I do, and then wonder what is the purpose?

Wow, this is what I do when I am fading, I go deep into it, to try to find my center. The reason I should not just go back to bed and pull the covers up, and just wait. Wait until I feel the answer.

BUT, There is no answer, we must just Do It. We must just get up and DO It. Over and Over.....Because we should.....Because we are Mothers........But then I wonder

Who Made the Rules..........And I am off thinking again.........

Easter is Near

Another Easter is upon us. A symbol of Spring. The first signal of nicer days, and warmer winds.

The little flowers are popping up everywhere. The Sun feels different, warmer, and brighter. I can feel it right to my core. I feel like I want to take in every blossom and sunny moment because spring seems to come and go so quickly.

I am wondering what the summer may bring. Hopefully Sunshine, Peace and Tranquility. I will Sit on my Deck, watching the Eagles, and the Bay. Happy Children!

Feeling Blessed :-)

Decisions---

Decisions........Some are so easy, some are impossible to make. Sometimes we can be logical, and sometimes our hearts defy the logic.

Some are open and reversible if we don't like what happens,these are the easy ones. Fun, no risk, adventurous at times. Love to take these to see where they go, as long as there is an escape route.

Some are so final and complete. Once they are made there is no turning back. I struggle with these ones, and find them impossible. Risk, and Fear of the unknown plays an important part. Paralyzes me, Makes me dip deeper than I am used to for the power to move forward. Worry about regret, and making mistakes. Pros !! Cons!! Second guessing myself !! Driving me crazy !!

We must find the strength within to move forward and know that we are intelligent people and will make the right decision in the end. Have the ability to separate the issues and think with our heads not our emotions. The final decision!! The right decision !! No Regrets or Second Guessing ourselves.

So we can Be a Peace with it.......

Finding The Strength Inside

I am thinking about the way us mothers carry on. We sometimes get so tired that we are a hollow shell in motion. We have no choice...... It has to be done...... whatever it is. We direct, work, fix, clean, listen, and love. All at the same time.

I am in awe of the women I know and love. The mothers that they are. Being able to dig deep and be resilient, no matter what comes of their day. To keep a positive outlook, and know that tomorrow will come. No matter how we feel about today. And if we are lucky, it will be better.

If it is not we will survive it!!

We are Mothers who are Strong !!

Weeks Like This

I am sitting here noticing for the first time this morning, that the sun is shining. Stealing an hour to pretend I am relaxed. Only Tuesday, and already in the middle of my Whirlwind week. School, Meetings, Mommy Duties, ect........ You know.......

Sometimes there doesn't seem to be a happy medium, either all or nothing, to many things to do or not enough. But when there is a day where it is too quiet then I wait for the bomb to go off, cause I know it is coming soon. Too quiet makes me nervous, and whether it is intuition or just that it doesn't happen that often, I don't know. Too quiet always worries me.

But for now I will notice that the sun is shining.

Restlessness of Spring

I am not sure what has come over me? While I enjoy the beginnings of new life all around me, I am feeling something missing. What is it? I am soul searching my way through this puzzle. The solution eludes me. I wonder.......will it become visible to me what it is that I am looking to find.
Maybe if I could figure out what it is, I could have Peace, and Rest.